Hi, I’m Vaishnavi, not very new to blogging, but the first time I decided to publish them, you might wonder what I’m talking about and I might lose most of y’all in the first few lines but I’ll still try.

Honestly, the idea of writing on a plain white screen is more daunting than writing on a blank paper for some reason, I write whenever I feel emotions so strong that it compels me to put my thoughts down, today I want to tell y’all about this one friend that I had…

Most of you might think that it’s super weird for me to start this blog by talking about a friend or that they must be my boyfriend or someone super special to me, the latter part is not all false tho..

Let me expand…

So the recurring theme that I or rather we notice in most feel-good cult classic romantic movies or books is how the boy meets the girl, they don’t have a good first impression of each other maybe, but starts growing on one another..

Well… me and this one friend of mine were also like that, not on very great terms, maybe not at all actually, we hated each other’s guts ( maybe even made faces behind the other’s back lol ) I won’t/ can’t tell y’all where how and why we met but the gist of the beginning being, we hated each other but…

You know when you hate someone or don’t like someone, and to begin to express it to them openly, it takes away the fear of being hated by that person maybe, because initially you don’t care about what the other person thinks of you and honestly you don’t want anything to do with that person too which was also pretty much how we were the first few months, we were obligated to talk because of a project we had to do together but really, we didn’t want to work on it together at all

But then something happened… the more we talked, the more we fought, the more we understood each other, why we are the way we are and what shaped us into the individuals we became at that point..

That friendship was so strong, I remember each and every milestone of it very well, the day they understood what shaped my traumas and fears, the day I understood their pressures and responsibilities..

We became each other’s go-to, any fight we had with someone , any joke we had to crack, any problem we had to talk about there was no judgement ,and even if there was, it was upfront on each other’s faces by that time, we had been so brutal fighting and criticizing with each other that there was nothing to lose, things like self respect and ego didn’t exist we’d completely destroyed it for each other lol

There was also a sense of comfort maybe.. a sense of home, a beautiful unspoken sense of you know I will be there for you always, we’d seen each other do the most galeech things possible maybe lol and seen each other stoop very low, because we were both rejected by the people we liked respectively and that got us together even more ( trauma bond much ? lol )

Now you may wonder why I’m expanding so much on this, or may even argue that even y’all have friendships like these, I’m talking about this today because the more I think about love, the more I see it around me, the more it looks like this friendship of mine, not insinuating that me and this person were or are in love, and even if there is it’ll only be platonic at best..

But this is what love looks like really to me in my head at least, someone who you can fight with, argue , disagree and have conflicts with, someone you don’t fear losing despite all those conflicts, someone that knows to be brutal with you because you can’t sugarcoat everything and you need to show people the truth if you really love them, to have a space where our individual egos don’t really exist and where we can be our raw, real, bare and flawed versions, the versions of us that make stupid mistakes, that don’t have an image to hold up to the other person , someone that knows why you are who you are and genuinely appreciates your existence.

Now me and this person were definitely not in love, but this friendship has taught me not to settle for anything less than whatever I felt with them and that feeling like this is the bare minimum and that I deserve to be treated better, not that it was all sunshine and rainbows with this person, I was hurt.. maybe beyond words by the person..

The plot twist of it all being, we don’t even talk to each other anymore, but silently I think we still genuinely appreciate each other’s existence and love each other a lot and I sleep knowing that, maybe this was my first real connection and no one can take it away from me, this sense of security is very calming for me..

Maybe all of us deserve a person like this as a partner or not, we deserve to experience having this one friend like the friend that I had…

Until next time.. something compels me to pick my pen up..

Adios Amigos.. ya nos veremos 💃🏻